RAPPORT by Declan Rothwell ~ (Dec 2021)

Introduction 

Our dear colleague and friend, Sherry Kent recommended that I talk about rapport in our school. We had been teaching together in the College of Five Element Acupuncture and had been teaching the students how to be in rapport with their patients. Sherry felt that the insights would be helpful for all apprentices when teaching, and by extension, in our daily lives. 

Maybe you feel like you already know about being in rapport—but see if one or two points hit home that could benefit you or change how you relate to yourself and others.  

Rapport 

Rapport is the ability to be at one with another human being.  When you feel present, united and at ease with your students and fellow apprentices, you are in rapport. The innate love and oneness of all human beings becomes manifest when we are in rapport.  

The ancient Chinese believed that we are all one energy, and the same energy is moving through all creation. Therefore, rapport is our natural state, to be at one with what we truly are, to be at one with the person who is the same as us, and to be at one with nature which manifests from the same source.

As with tai chi, rapport is an experience, not a mental construct or thought. When we experience that we are one energy, we are in rapport. Yet because our thoughts tend to dominate in our daily lives, we go in and out of rapport with our fellow human beings.   

So, rapport is a state of being, activated by being connected, present, open, and relaxed. It is not a state of doing or trying—it just is. 

What helps us be in rapport? 

• The good ol’ dantian! When we relax and focus in our dantian, we can attain rapport. As we know, it can be a process to get into our dantian—we need to awaken it sometimes. Give yourself the time to find it––there can be obstructions––by quieting your mind and emotions. By concentrating in our dantian, our internal state eventually changes, and this is the foundation to being in rapport. This point of equilibrium and vitality helps us to unify our entire being and recollect that we are one with all that is. 
• What helps us to be in our dantian? Doing tai chi. Many teachers do a round before teaching to help themselves be in unity with themselves before attaining unity with other teachers and students. 

• Love. When we open ourselves to warmth and affection with another human being, we can achieve rapport. What helps us to do that? Soften your eyes to allow your focus to be internal as well as external, the way we have been taught in tai chi. Then connect your eyes to your heart to radiate warmth and openness to whoever you are with.
• Being physically comfortable. We get ourselves into uncomfortable positions, which means we are distracted by our bodies. Rapport is an internal state which is promoted by our external state.
• Breathing. Relaxed, deep breathing helps us come into the present and will help us return to unity when we are out of rapport. Our Unity Exercise (standing opposite another person in 70/30 and moving as one) is a great rapport exercise. 
• Do what it takes to be in rapport. Because of our habitual way of being, we can be stuck in one or several ways of interacting with our fellow human beings. Be aware of your tendencies and leave yourself for a while. Loosen your emotions so that you can be funny or authoritative, sympathetic or reassuring, grieving or whatever. In other words, be flexible and responsive. 
• There is no one way to be in rapport. All of us are unique as well as coming from the same source. Do what you can to be in rapport with the person who is with you––it will be good for you! Rather than being in your head, working to being in rapport will bring you back to the present. Rather than dissipating your energy with constant thoughts, worries and concerns, being in rapport will generate circulation of energy with another human being.
• The word “rapport” in French means to report, to be a reporter, a rapporteur, who implies relating events and situations to others.  What we want to work on is the internal aspect of rapport, and as you can see from the above points, it is not about others; it’s about you. If your state is distracted, upset, ill at ease, or restless (as we get when we are on our electronic devices so much), you will find that you don’t have rapport with yourself. 

How can you have rapport with someone else when you don’t have rapport with yourself?

So that’s the first thing to be aware of. Ask yourself, “Am I in rapport with myself?” If you aren’t, then do what you can to regain rapport with yourself. The above points may help. And remember, there is no one way to be in rapport. A belly laugh in a tense situation may be all that is needed to regain rapport. Accept that you will go in and out of rapport. 

Teaching tai chi with rapport  

1.  In life these days we experience a lot of platitudes and superficial interaction. Being in rapport is about being genuine and authentic. So, be genuine when teaching—have the courage to be honest about what you know and what you don’t know. Your students will love you for it.

2.  Tai Chi Foundation teacher Margaret Olmsted made a very good point when we talked about rapport during a recent Zoom session. Tai chi is not easy to learn as we all know, so have sympathy, empathy, and understanding for your students during the learning process. We are all in this together—students and teachers alike are working to embody this beautiful exercise, martial art, and healing modality. Ongoing compassion for our students’ struggles will help you be in rapport. 

3.  Are you in rapport with the class content you are teaching? If you are uncomfortable or uneasy with the content, then guess who else is going to be uncomfortable? The students! So, teach (within reason) only what you know and relate to. Otherwise, we go into the realm of bluffing, a pretense that does not get anyone anywhere 

4.  Be in rapport with your fellow teachers—have fun! We are volunteers who are teaching out of love of tai chi. Find the place within you where you can have fun and joy with your fellow teachers in the transmission of our lineage. Don’t take what you want to say or show too seriously. And guess what? If you are “in a pleasant mood,” the students are going to enjoy themselves too! 

In conclusion, check in with yourself during the day. Here’s a little routine you can repeat internally: 

Be aware of my dantian.  

Breathe into my dantian. 

I am in my dantian.  

Am I in rapport with myself?  

Am I in rapport with the person or people I am with?

Am I in rapport with what I am doing?

See if any of this makes a difference for you! 

Declan Rothwell is a teacher with our Tai Chi School in Dublin, Ireland, since 1986. Declan has been practicing tai chi since 1983, is a five-element acupuncturist, and serves as principal of the College of Five Element Acupuncture.

Photo by Sebastian Leon Prado