Tuning Up our Ability to “Listen”

Tuning Up our Ability to “Listen”

By Sherry Kent and Patrice Wooldridge

Our ability to really “listen” is a skill that is key to living well. When we skillfully focus on someone else and/or what is happening around us (“Situational Awareness”), we are much more likely to respond in ways that fit the situation. This last winter training in Europe, Sherry  and Patrice spent 2 sessions with the group examining and practicing our listening abilities.

In the art of Tai Chi, listening is particularly emphasized in Sensing Hands, when we are told to “listen” to (sense) our partner to become aware of how they are moving and what is being offered. Yet it is challenging to be sensitive to our partner when there is so much going on in our own bodies! Listening also comes into play when giving or receiving directions, indications and feedback.

The funny thing about communication is that we often believe we are paying attention and clear in our communication but then find out later we haven’t been! One interesting exercise is to pay attention to what you pay attention to – and you might find that you are unconsciously limiting the information that is coming in.

On the other side, most of us take communication for granted. Yet it is much trickier than we imagine – particularly so when the person giving the information understands the material much better than the person listening.

To play with this idea, we did a number of mirroring exercises of following our partner’s movements, but directed both the person leading and the one following to take full responsibility for the communication. In this way, the leader (who knew where they were going) practiced becoming more sensitive and taking responsibility for how they communicated the movement (rather than a game that has a winner and loser) while the listener focused on taking in all the information their partner was sharing.

Another area we explored is based on research into “mirror neurons.” To put this simply, scientists have found a mechanism in the brains of primates that reflects (“mirrors”) the actions being observed. That is, when we consciously observe someone doing something, our brain shows a similar pattern of brain activity as in the brain of the person performing the activity, as if the observer is doing those same things. The neurons thus activated are seen in both the sensory and motor areas of the brain. When we are paying attention, our brains appear to sense and mirror the actions of another person automatically

Other research has shown that when we consciously connect with another person with no duality of right/wrong, leader/follower, etc., a dopamine reaction causes us to feel happy. Discussing this led to many of us recognizing how important it is to make sure we connect with each other and with our students. Long-term loneliness has been shown to be worse for health than smoking 15 cigarettes a day! The UK has recognized this to the degree that they now have a Minister of Loneliness. (NYTimes article on loneliness).

To practice our mirroring abilities this winter, we did several mirroring exercises. We passed an invisible ball around the circle, where the person passing the ball worked to make sure the whole group understood the size and weight of the imaginary ball before making eye contact with the next person and passing the ball to them. So instead of being a hot potato exercise (to get rid of the ball as fast as possible), the emphasis was on communication.

We also had fun listening to each other’s touch through a balloon. In this way we extended our ability to connect with another person as well as refining our Tai Chi touch.

We look forward to more of this play in the summer European training!